Top 21 X-Rated Riddles

Please read even if you have heard them... after all you are having "Happy Fun Time" :)

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

Q.Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q.What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.

Q. Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don't have balls to scratch!

Crime Story !!

Five friends lived in a room, Namely MAD, BRAIN, FOOL, NOBODY, SOMEBODY.
One day SOMEBODY killed NOBODY. At that time BRAIN was in bathroom, MAD called police.
MAD: Is it police station???
Police: Yes, what is the matter??
MAD: SOMEBODY killed NOBODY.
Police: Are you mad?
MAD: Yes, I"m MAD.
Police: Don`t you have BRAIN.
MAD: BRAIN is in bathroom....
Police: you FOOL...
MAD: No, FOOL is reading this joke...

Three Wishes "Do Read Rather must Read "

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you
three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said,
"That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock
to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman
and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world.
And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is
mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about
her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

*Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them!!!!*


*Attention *

*Female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good!!!!*

Male readers: Please scroll down.
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The man had a heart attack ten times "milder" than his wife!!!

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart!!!!!

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that

women never listen!!!

Rest room Stories

Ok so im sure we all know about that unspoken rule about public bathroom stalls, where you NEVER go and use the urinal directly next to someone, unless all the other ones are full. I mean it causes others to feel uncomfortable.
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Ok so this story takes place at my high school. So every day near the end of lunch, i would go use the rest room, And so one day as i do this ritual of reliving my self. And this guy walks in, like he is old, maybe like 50, and he beaks that holy rule, and goes to the urinal right next to me, flops out his little man, and lets loose, then he looked over and down at me...What did i do? i ran the heck out of there.
Now it is the next day, and i go to the rest room at the same time, and the same thing happens. Accept he looked at my man, not just at me, so i got really freaked out, and i blushed cause of the embarrassment, and he said hi...and i ran the hell out of there.
These similar events kept accruing till the end of the week, and for some reason even when i went to different bathrooms.
So on this Friday i finally spoke up when he same up to the stall directly next to me, and i said "so know, i really love these moments we have together" then he gave me this really funny look, like i was the weird psycho guy, then he frowned at me, and marched out, and i never saw him again....but the next week, on Monday, i had to go number 2, and as i sat in that stall doing my business, another nightmare accrued, the stall next to me became occupied by a fat P.E teacher, and he started trying to talk to me, and well....


wtf is up with old people and bothering students in the rest room?

Where Does Poo Come From ?

A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad is reading the paper.


“Where does poo come from?” she asks.


The father, feeling a little anxious that his 5 year old daughter is already asking difficult questions, thinks for a moment and says:


“Well you know we just ate breakfast?”


“Yes,” answers the girl.


“Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bottom when we go to the toilet, and that is poo.”


The little girl looks shocked, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks…