Necrophiliac

The victim of an awful automobile accident was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital, and the emergency nurse was ordered to prepare the body for the undertaker.

Removing his clothes, she discovered that the young man had died with the most massive erection she had ever seen. Unable to take her eyes off it, she finally yielded to temptation, took off her panties, straddled the stiff and proceeded to enjoy herself.

She was just getting down from the table when a second nurse came in and saw her and promptly reprimanded her for her obscene behaviour.

"What's the harm?" shot back the first nurse. "I enjoyed it, and he surely didn't mind it. Besides, he can't complain and I can't get pregnant. Why don't you give it a try too?"

"Oh, I can't possibly," said the second nurse, blushing. "First, he's dead and second, I've got my period. Anyway, listen, the doctor wants you."

And so the first nurse left. The second nurse got to work, but soon found herself terribly excited by this massive hard-on and finally climbed on top of it. Just as she was starting to cum, she was astonished to feel the man climax too!

Looking down and seeing his eyelids starting to flutter, she exclaimed in shock, "I thought you were dead!"

"Lady, I thought I was too," said the man, "until you gave me that blood transfusion."

Insult

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

Collection of Famous Quotes

> 1.That ball went so high it could have got an airhostess down with it.

> 2.There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's of an
incoming train which will run them over.

> 3.Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

> 4.Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taximeter.

> 5.Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!

> 6.He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a lot of diesel but
cannot go beyond 30!

> 7.The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend,
that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world, which does not have wings!

> 8. As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.

> 9. The ball whizzes past like a bumblebee and the Indians are in the sea.

> 10. The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack.

> 11. The pitch is as dead as a dodo.

> 12. Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!

> 13. The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at
Rajendra Talkies in Patiala..! one falls and everything else falls!

> 14.Indian team without Sachin is like giving a Kiss without a Squeeze.

> 15. You cannot make Omlets without breaking the eggs.

> 16. Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goalkeeper. He must be
given a free transfer to Manchester United.

> 17. He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.

> 18. One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.

> 19. Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.

> 20. Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.

> 21. You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.

> 22. The cat with gloves catches no mice.

> 23. Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.

> 24. You may have a heart of gold, but so does! a hard-boiled egg.

> 25. He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.

> 26. The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the
same reason.

> 27. The world is all about mind and matter, I don't mind and U don't
matter...

> 28. In London they drive on the left, in India we drive on what is left!

Little Johnny And Jenny

Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they
just know that they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married, so
Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me
and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith
replies, "Well Johnny,you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny
replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both
fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says
with a huge grin,
"Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to
get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance..
Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week.
That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine"
By this time Mr Smith is a little shocked that Johnny
has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying
to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to.
After a second, Mr.Smith says, "Well Johnny,it seems like you have got
everything all figured out. I just have one more question for
you.
What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"
Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..."
Mr. Smith faints.............

A Good Fortune

A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG !
He looks around: nobody's there. I am having hallucinations, he
thinks. Then he hears the
voice again: I SAID, DIG !

So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some
inches, he finds a small
chest with a rusty lock.
The deep voice says: OPEN !

Ok, the man thinks, let's open the thing. He finds a rock with which
to destroy the lock,
and when the chest is finally open, he sees a lot of gold coins.
The deep voice says: TO THE CASINO !

Well the casino is only a few miles away, so the man takes the chest
and walks to the
casino.
The deep voice says: ROULETTE !

So he changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and
goes to one of the tables,
where the players gaze at him with disbelief.
The deep voice says: 27 !

He takes the whole pile and drops it at the 27. The table nearly
bursts. Everybody is quiet
when the croupier throws the ball.
The ball stops at the 26.
The deep voice says: SHIT !