After 1 Bottle Of Tequila
Monday, February 23, 2009
After 1 Bottle Of Tequila
Friday, February 20, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
If you are unsure who's portrait is this, then its ofcourse the world's most expensive Portrait of Mona Lisa. This time its been photoshoped to make you laugh..
PHOTOSHOPED PORTRAIT OF MONA LISA [SCARY ONE]
ORIGINAL PORTRAIT OF MONA LISA
You might like it. This is hilarious... ..even
an Englishman could not construct sentences using numeric, which is exclusive only to Malaysians and Singaporeans.
Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10.
Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with.....
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.
10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5 , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down! I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Monday, February 16, 2009
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the
ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog
in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I
will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!" The woman
said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most
beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this
wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis
whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will
be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she
wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make
your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's
his is mine."
So, KAZAM- she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like to have a
mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't
mess with them.
This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue
readers: Please scroll down.
The man had a heart attack ten times
"milder" than his wife!!!
Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart .
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
This is to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humour :)
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Ques: Do You Know
Which Animal Has Good
Because It Always Asks
Police arrested a drunkard & askd: Where r u going?
Man: I'm going 2 listen lecture on ill effects of drinking.
Cop: Who'll lecture at midnight?
Man: My wife...
Yet another funny video of dangerous female drivers from youtube
Saturday, February 14, 2009
If a BARBER makes a mistake, it's a new style....... ......... .....
If a DRIVER makes a mistake, it's an accident.... ......... ........
If a DOCTOR makes a mistake, it's an operation... ......... ........
If an ENGINEER makes a mistake, it is a new venture..... ......... .
If a POLITICIAN makes a mistake, it is a new law......... .........
If a SCIENTIST makes a mistake, it is a new invention... ......... .
If a TAILOR makes a mistake, it is a new fashion..... ......... ....
If a TEACHER makes a mistake, it is a new theory...... ......... ...
If a STUDENT makes a mistake, it is a "MISTAKE" !!!!!!!!!!!! !
Friday, February 13, 2009
How many first year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
Ans: None. That's a second year subject.
How many second year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
Ans:One, but the rest of the class copies the report.
How many third year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
Ans:"Will this question be in the final examination?"
How many civil engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Ans:Two. One to do it and one to steady the chandelier.
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Ans: None. They simply redefine darkness as the industry standard.
How many computer engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Ans: "Why bother? The socket will be obsolete in six months anyway."
How many mechanical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Ans: Five. One to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, one to calculate the force required, one to design a tool with which to turn the bulb, one to design a comfortable - but functional - hand grip, and one to use all this equipment.
How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?Ans:Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
NOT A STORY BUT A TRUE INCIDENT
An Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys and documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "$5,000" ?
The Indian replies:
"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'"
Ah, the mind of the Indian...
This is why India is shining
Thursday, February 12, 2009
How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat.
The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air.The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!"
The boy replies back: "Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."
1)There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
2)Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
3)Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
4)Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.
5)Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
6)Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
7)Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
8)Always try to fix the hardware with software.
9)If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.
10)Dilbert is not a comic strip, it's a documentary.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Only great minds can read this .
This is weird, but interesting!
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can..
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
Think You Are Smart ? Try Answering These
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!
Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
You're not very good at this! Are you?
Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10. What is the total?
Answer : Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Check with your calculator!
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Answer: Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary . Read the question again
There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?
Answer : He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.
To view answers highlight the the area after Answer with your mouse.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reebok's.
Some facts about sex FYI(For Your Information)
-Male and female rats may have sex twenty times a day.
-22% of American women aged 20 gave birth while in their teens. In Switzerland and Japan, only 2% did so.
-Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than valium!
-For every 'normal' web page, there are five porn pages.
-Sex is biochemically no different from eating large quantities of chocolate.
-A man's beard grows fastest when he anticipates sex.
-When swans go on a date, they'll put their heads together. Then they stick together for life.
-The word "gymnasium" comes from the Greek word gymnazein which means "to exercise naked."
-There are men in Guam whose job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the 1st time
-Sex burns 360 calories per hour
-Women who read romance novels have sex twice as often as those who don't.
-The average person spends 2 weeks of its life kissing.
-The Ramses brand condom is named after the great phaoroh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children.
-Males, on average, think about sex every 7 seconds. :eek:
-The greatest recorded number of children one mother had was 69 children. Do the math!
-25% of women think money makes a man sexier.
-Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
-Humans, bonobo monkeys, and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
-The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
-Turkeys can reproduce without having sex. It's called parthenogenesis.
-Each day, there are over 120 million sexual intercourse taking place all over the world.
-Snakes have two sex organs.
-A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
-85% of men who die of heart attacks during intercourse, are found to have been cheating on their wives
A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner.
After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy's chair.
Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and the boy really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart.
"Duke!" the dad yelled.
"This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" so he let out another one.
"Duke!" the father barked.
The boy thought he was home free so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.
"Duke! Get out of there before he craps on your head!