Smile :- A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Rumor :- News that travels at the speed of sound.
Dictionary:- The only place where divorce comes before marriage.
College :- A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.
Ecstasy :- A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Office :- A place where you can relax after your strenuous homelife.
Yawn :- The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc. :- A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee :- Individuals who can do nothingÂ individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Classic :- A book which people praise, but do not read.
Marriage :- It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her master's.
Worry :- Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.
Experience:- The name men give to their mistakes.
Tears :- The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.
Atom Bomb :- An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher:-A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat :- A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Optimist :- A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Miser :- A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father :- A banker provided by nature.
Criminal :- A guy no different from the rest...except that he got caught.
Boss :- Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician:- One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor :- A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Software Engineer:- Who is paid for reading this mail.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Smile :- A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
One Night 4 College Students Were Playing Till Late Night And Didn't
Study For The Test Which Was Scheduled For The Next Day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as
dirty and weird with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and
said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return
the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way
back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked
him and said they will be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as
this was a Special Condition Test, All four were required to sit in
separate classrooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.
Q.1. Your Name........ ......... ........( 2 MARKS )
Q.2. Which tyre burst ?............ ....( 98 MARKS )
a) Front Left
b) Front Right
c) Back Left
d) Back Right .....!!!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Why Parents Have Gray Hair
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.
Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was simply addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.
I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.
Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!
Monday, July 20, 2009
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right. You are in Kolkata
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on. That's Mumbai
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace. The first two get together & beat him up. That's Delhi
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a chai-stall. That's Ahmedabad.
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the program. That's Bangalore
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense. Peace comes in. That's Chennai.
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting. You are DEFINITELY IN HARYANA
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
After going through a virus attack, losing a hard drive,
fighting off hackers,installing fire-walls, being threatened with being cut off by my email provider,and a host of other problems...
I have fixed my computer...
and NOW it works exactly the way I want it to!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Use more soap
A woman sends her clothing out to the local laundry. When it comes back there are still stains in her panties. The next week she encloses a note to the laundryman that says, "Use more soap on panties."
This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry, "Use more soap on panties."
Finally fed up, the laundry man responded with his own note that said, "Use more paper on ass."
Poor President Obama
It was once said that a black man would be president, "when pigs fly!"
Indeed, 100 days into Obama's presidency...... the Swine Flu!
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts.
A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you ' d lift your hat."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren ' t so ugly it would lift itself
The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and
a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes
to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The
word they were given was "Timbuktu."
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the
microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels, two by two,
The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they
thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and
Me and Tim a huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
The redneck won hands down!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Can you pleeze pleeze give me Billy Mays back and take Vince the Sham Wow Guy instead? Billy Mays was funny on TV and Mommy said Billy Mays always played nice and payed in full and never hit her like the Sham wow Guy did, and that's why Mommy bitted his tounge.
Teacher sayws we has to rite you letters, so i want to write you this letter. How come you made David caradeen die ? My dad likes him in the kun-fu muvies, and i likes him to in kill Bill. How come you can not kill Stevin segal instead ? He has made no good movies ever since under Seej 2 dark territory. Please recunsider and make steven segal choke his pee pee instead of caradeen to do it.