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Thursday, November 1, 2007

Men Are Happier People Now

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Men Are Happier People --

>> > Your last name stays put.
>> > The garage is all yours.
>> > Wedding plans take care of themselves.
>> > Chocolate is just another snack.
>> > You can never be pregnant.
>> > You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
>> > You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
>> > Car mechanics tell you the truth.
>> > The world is your urinal.
>> > You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky.
>> > You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
>> > Same work, more pay.
>> > Wrinkles add character.
>> > Wedding dress £2000. Tux rental-£100.
>> > People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
>> > The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
>> > New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
>> > One mood all the time.
>> > Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
>> > You know stuff about tanks.
>> > A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
>> > You can open all your own jars.
>> > You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
>> > If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
>> > Your underwear is £4.95 for a three-pack.
>> > Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
>> > You almost never have strap problems in public.
>> > You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
>> > Everything on your face stays its original colour.
>> > The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
>> > You only have to shave your face and neck.
>> > You can play with toys all your life.
>> > One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour for all seasons.
>> > You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
>> > You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
>> > You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
>> > You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
>> > No wonder men are happier.

Sunday afternoon

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year
old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony
with an ice block and tell him to report on all the neighborhood

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
"An ambulance just drove by!"
"Looks like the Andersons have company, he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike!"
"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
"Jason is on his skate board...."

After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are having sex!!"
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out,
How do you know they are having sex?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with an ice block."

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